Louvre first. I thought it would only take two hours, well at least only one of the three wings would take two hours. Now why did I think that? Well, because one of my â€œtraveling Europeâ€ idols, Rick Steves, told me so in one of his books. I was so naÃ¯ve. I have since realized that either Rick Steves is a LIAR, OR, more likely, he just runs about barely glancing at the artwork. Other options include him using motorized carts or skates in the Louvre, or a special Rick Stevesâ€™ pass and only goes when no one else is there, or maybe this is just a classic tale of being able to stop time.
So what took Rick Steves 2 hours, took us 4 (and thatâ€™s running and barely seeing all of it.) But what did I see? Lots, but the two most important things were the F***ing Mona Lisa and Venus de Milo. I have wanted to see them forever. Mona was all in her own room kinda snooty like and surrounding by guards and bullet proof glass like she was the Queen of England, but Venus, well she was like you or I just hanging out like she was ready to share some coffee and have a chat (of course she is half naked with no arms â€“ perhaps the coffee would not be in public). She was definitely more down to earth than that bitch Mona. I mean come on, Mona would not even pose for photographs. Venus was an exhibitionist from all angles.
So once we exhausted ourselves at the Louvre, then came the Pompidou and some freak ass modern art. I have no words for a lot of this stuff. My favorite involved entering this room that was closed with hanging plastic draperies but from below was emitting this eerie pink glow. Once inside this huge room there were four things, a huge red stiletto shoe , pink flashing lights on the floor, silk curtains backlit by pink lights, and as if there wasnâ€™t enough, there was classical opera music playing. OMG that it too unbelievable. Really questions the â€œWhat is art?â€ doesnâ€™t it?